my color of the moment and water cups that don't leak

my amazon cart is sitting at $433.92 worth of baby pink kitchen shit, water cups (one my color of the moment pink and one a kindof mossy green to match the cabinets in the new kitchen), and a bunch of t-shirts that have a lot of colors and cute things like "a b c d e f g h i j k elemeno p".  I'll never buy most of it...I'll move it to save for later and back into the cart and back into the save list every time I need to order more baby wipes or new shoes for someone.  oh, I also have a pair of knockoff b&w chuck Taylors in there because c'mon, they go with everything.  those and my skinny jeans and f you if you'd like to mention that i'M a MiLleNiAL (*gasp!*).  absolutely.  not the moral of the story.

I can still hear my dad's voice as I climbed on my nonna's couch & him saying "you're not like other little girls, are you?  you like red!  you're not a pink girly girl."  and he said it with such certainty and I loved him so much that I just agreed with him "yep, I sure do like red Dad.  it's my favorite."

you can see where this is going.  it's taken uh, quite a few decades to not only admit but actually realize that yeah, actually, I do like pink.  I do like sparkly shit.  I do like to curl my hair and bake desserts and cut roses from the bush in the front yard and put them in pretty little jars all over the house.  I do like to talk shop with the other moms at swim class about how hard it was to get the kids to eat breakfast before class today, how yummy that bread was that you made with your new teal bread maker, and share the names of all the babies we've cumulatively lost.  

and I like to be at the BMX track and yell "pedal pedal pedal!" at my boys and pick the little people up off the corners when they crash and try to bargain with them to get back on their bike and finish their race.  and I like to fly the hot air balloon even though I'm not so good at finding targets and sometimes I don't like any of the landing options and just keep flying until I have to pick the one that is filled with longhorns (spoiler: they were super friendly and didn't even step on my envelope).  

so, who knows the moral of the story.  beyond the fact that this note has been an open tab on my computer for 2-3 weeks and now that I'm rediscovering it and completing it...I have acquired a baby pink frother after my free one quit, one mug from Ikea that is very...90s pink (?), and my nails are chipped apart but bright pink because my CO neighbors found out it's a girl.  I'm so fucking excited for them <3

oh maurice...

love your work.

your interviews...not so appropriate for sharing in class...

research day

Lubna Chowdhary // Artist Profile from Jamie Isbell on Vimeo.

"no matter...

...what it is there's something to learn...
that feeling that there's always something under it...
there's always something meaningful laying underneath..."

Clay from Zane Clampett on Vimeo.

this

all of this.


Alan Watts & David Lindberg - Why Your Life Is Not A Journey from David Lindberg on Vimeo.

"letting go"

"Letting Go" 19"x 23" oil on wood. 2007

Esau Andrews

i can't even say it, you.  at this point, even our own words feel wrong to say.

i loved you...& a past me loves you continuously.

but...

saosin (careful, in Chinese) "a reference to the fact that nothing is eternal, and that it is a mistake to become overly attached to any one or thing..."

"you will live to tell..."

<3

just a boy

& his friend...

research

*The first passengers to fly in a balloon were a rooster, a sheep, and a duck.

*Albuquerque's Sandia Mountains

sim but different

mama's

always right.

pure feeling

2:00 to 2:12 is what i'm alive for.  seriously.  honestly.
it's why i'm still here to write words into the darkness of the internet.
that absolute raw emotion that knows no words, no images,
it is just feeling.
it is raw and real and it can be painful or joyful or more often
it can be beyond emotional categorization.
that
is
being
alive.

that is being human.
that is what we're here to experience.
that
right
there.

oh ellen & lewis (hah!)

m-i-l...

*laughing hysterically*

intentional gratitude

this morning, after drinking the first cup of coffee and feeding the pup pup and helping my husband get ready & out the door for his day, i start in on the task of writing 20ish personal thank you's to each of my students.

next week is our last week of art class, and although we only spent 6 weeks together (for a very short hour and 15 minutes each class)...i'm attached and sad to see them go.  they taught me so much, and although i am exhausted at the thought of what i have poured into them (energy, time, thought, care, art lessons, adorable projects...) they always give it right back ten-fold...

sometimes it's a tight hug given freely and without prompting the moment they see me (and probably when they see the look of tired on my face)...

sometimes it's an ah-HA moment when a little concept of some kind suddenly clicks in their brain and they rejoice at the knowledge that it happened...

sometimes it's them repeating my teaching right back to me when I forget it myself.  "oh, Miss Renai, you're not happy with such and such YET!"  oh yeah, sure enough.  good job sweet baby loves.

and in an intentional effort to be more thankful and aware of all the many blessings in my life, I have been working hard to say and write and deliver more "thank you's" to the people in my life that make it the wonderful thing that it is.  and it's not just the big things...it's also the ladies at the WFM clinic that always answer the phone and are so professional and kind and helpful every time I call.  Yep, they get a thank you card, too.

so as i begin the long task of coming up with a unique sentence or two to describe and thank each of these students for sharing space and time and their bright lights with me...i wonder what you are thankful for today?  it's like cleaning out your closet.  when you open your eyes to everything that's good and wonderful in your life and take the time to develop gratitude for it all, you discover all these other amazing things that you hardly even noticed before.

thank you.

love!

please read & share her article if you love it...i think it's pretty fantastic 

http://www.glassheel.com/single-post/2016/08/31/Buried-Treasure---The-Admiration-Of-Inspiration

I met Janna working as a summer intern...to me then, at 16ish years old, she was this fantastic, creative, professional, caring, giving lady who I thought man, if I could be like her, maybe even have a gig like hers, and get some of those sweet colored markers she has up in her office,
I think life might be pretty good.  she laughed a lot, mentored me in the sweetest way, and now she's off doing something new and amazing :)





<3

dammit Kara!

just when I think everything is good and fine and you're done teaching me, I teach something and find myself remembering you with such love and then (inevitably) missing you.  thanks for making this video so I can hear your voice when I'm missing you...

similar but different

as m would say <3







dude, I must admit...dance parties have saved my butt on more than one occasion in the classroom.

when absolutely nothing is going as planned or well, I am always tempted to tell my little friends to drop everything, push chairs in, make sure there is space around their body, and then I turn on some loud song and we dance out the frustration / anger / tired / annoyed / too much energy / not enough energy / sadness until we can make art again.  sometimes it's just for them, sometimes it's just for me...but I must say not once have I hosted a mid-art class dance party that didn't benefit everyone :)

i will only sing

do it. find the time to watch this,

you won't be sorry you did.