this

all of this.


Alan Watts & David Lindberg - Why Your Life Is Not A Journey from David Lindberg on Vimeo.

sim but different

pure feeling

2:00 to 2:12 is what i'm alive for.  seriously.  honestly.
it's why i'm still here to write words into the darkness of the internet.
that absolute raw emotion that knows no words, no images,
it is just feeling.
it is raw and real and it can be painful or joyful or more often
it can be beyond emotional categorization.
that
is
being
alive.

that is being human.
that is what we're here to experience.
that
right
there.

oh ellen & lewis (hah!)

intentional gratitude

this morning, after drinking the first cup of coffee and feeding the pup pup and helping my husband get ready & out the door for his day, i start in on the task of writing 20ish personal thank you's to each of my students.

next week is our last week of art class, and although we only spent 6 weeks together (for a very short hour and 15 minutes each class)...i'm attached and sad to see them go.  they taught me so much, and although i am exhausted at the thought of what i have poured into them (energy, time, thought, care, art lessons, adorable projects...) they always give it right back ten-fold...

sometimes it's a tight hug given freely and without prompting the moment they see me (and probably when they see the look of tired on my face)...

sometimes it's an ah-HA moment when a little concept of some kind suddenly clicks in their brain and they rejoice at the knowledge that it happened...

sometimes it's them repeating my teaching right back to me when I forget it myself.  "oh, Miss Renai, you're not happy with such and such YET!"  oh yeah, sure enough.  good job sweet baby loves.

and in an intentional effort to be more thankful and aware of all the many blessings in my life, I have been working hard to say and write and deliver more "thank you's" to the people in my life that make it the wonderful thing that it is.  and it's not just the big things...it's also the ladies at the WFM clinic that always answer the phone and are so professional and kind and helpful every time I call.  Yep, they get a thank you card, too.

so as i begin the long task of coming up with a unique sentence or two to describe and thank each of these students for sharing space and time and their bright lights with me...i wonder what you are thankful for today?  it's like cleaning out your closet.  when you open your eyes to everything that's good and wonderful in your life and take the time to develop gratitude for it all, you discover all these other amazing things that you hardly even noticed before.

thank you.

dammit Kara!

just when I think everything is good and fine and you're done teaching me, I teach something and find myself remembering you with such love and then (inevitably) missing you.  thanks for making this video so I can hear your voice when I'm missing you...

i will only sing

do it. find the time to watch this,

you won't be sorry you did.

oxygen in cups

For the most part, being generous with my time and being kind-hearted towards my challenges comes naturally (thank goodness).  But occasionally, I find myself struggling to be generous and my first reaction is often frustration.  Why can't I just be loving?  Why can't I just feel good about giving my time / attention / money / etc. to this?  Why does it feel like a struggle here?

If we are being honest with ourselves, we admit that we cannot give that which we do not have.  If our own cup isn't full, we can't pour into everyone around us.  If our own needs are not being met, we are not going to feel very good spending our time and attention and funds meeting someone else's needs.  The whole "put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others" on a plane scenario (I know, I hate hearing that one, too).  But it's true.  

What I'm getting to here is that you are allowed to fill your own cup.  We are obligated to find our own oxygen before we can help anyone else find theirs.  We need to take a step back and assess our own needs before we can meet everyone else's.  And let me be the first to say, this is really hard.  I know everyone depends on you.  I know your to-do list is a mile and a half long.  I know you don't feel like you have time for this stuff.  I know, because I'm right here with you and I feel the same way. 

Please, take half an hour today and do the things that fill your cup.  If not for your own wellness then do it for the wellness of all those hearts who depend on you.  Whatever brings you joy, do more of that.  And know that we are right here with you, and we're learning right here with you, to put on our own oxygen masks before we assist everyone else.  

Our goal is to always have our cups so full that they consistently spill out into your life when you're here in the studio.  We really do find joy in helping you create, in helping you feel warm and fuzzy and loved and wonderful.  Stop by and create with us and you'll see what I mean.  We just stinkin' love what we do, and we want to share it with you.  And we strive to be a place that brings you joy, that helps you relax and reset and fill your own cup.  So you can keep on being awesome and pouring into your kids, your family, your coworkers, your community.

Happy Sunday, y'all.

a meanness

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

love & progress

3 more weeks!

15 more days!
it's like the end of a marathon,
where you start to notice that you're totally exhausted,
and maybe your form isn't the best anymore
because you're totally exhausted,
and you start making a few more mistakes...

but the cheering gets louder,
and you start to think about the delicious snacks after you cross the finish line
and oh yeah, the finish line is so close!
you've accomplished so much!
you can do it!
you can do it!
you can do it!
*rah rah rah*
fall is a-coming!

where

to go?
where to grow?
where do we grow (and go) from here?

"the soul

always knows what to do to heal itself.
the challenge is to silence the mind."

step one:
be gentle.
soften.
hold yourself like you hold a child.
stop powering through.
rest.
take a break.
ask for help.
admit when it is too much.
stop powering through.
listen.
breathe.
stop powering through.
be human.
make mistakes.
be sweeter to self.
stop powering through.
listen to your body.
listen to your desires.
make it ok to feel the things you feel.
stop powering through.
be gentle.
be sweet.
be sukha.
be rebirth.
be kind.
do all things with love.
only love.

"listen,

you must never express your anger or frustration using your body,
and you must never allow your emotions to keep you from remaining in control of your body.
it is not ok to hit anyone or anything in this studio,
it is never ok to hit anyone at all regardless of where you are.

it is unacceptable to hurt anyone else because of your own emotions.
you must apologize, now."

#shittheartteachersaid
#truth
#kids
we're all still learnin' things, y'all.

life sounds like!

life sounds like

i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive
so-hum
(i am.)

(week 4)

sweetness

let go

or be dragged.

we choose to move forward.  blue skies ahead, people.

#blueskyawareness

blue sky

i find these little pockets of sadness and fear inside myself.  usually they burst open unexpectedly, and usually at inconvenient times.  i have an intense fear of losing the people (and animals) that i really love, and i borrow sadness when i fear the (inevitable) future when their hearts no longer reside on the earth.  and instead of focusing on my belief that hearts and people and animals do not disappear when they leave the earth, i easily become trapped in the sadness.  and i know that part of this is the kid-gloves artist thing, the bit about the unavoidable fact that i feel things intensely.  i rarely feel a little happy, or a little sad, or a little frustrated, or a smidge disappointed.  instead i feel feelings intensely, with my whole being, and it is hard to stuff them down or let them go.  so i feel them.

and today, i look to the blue sky and consider awareness.  consider that i could perhaps, with great love and great practice, learn not to get stuck in the cloud of feeling and emotion.  perhaps, one day, i can carefully and with very great love gently press through the translucent cloud of feeling to see that there is blue sky beyond.  the clouds are transient, the clouds are encompassing but do not have to be.  i am not clouds, i am blue sky.  i am blue sky that experiences clouds, and the clouds are not good or bad they just are.  some days they are good.  some days i fight through them.  but i am not them, i am the blue sky.  and when i realize continuously that i am bright blue sky, i will more easily accept and let go of the clouds.