pure feeling

2:00 to 2:12 is what i'm alive for.  seriously.  honestly.
it's why i'm still here to write words into the darkness of the internet.
that absolute raw emotion that knows no words, no images,
it is just feeling.
it is raw and real and it can be painful or joyful or more often
it can be beyond emotional categorization.
that
is
being
alive.

that is being human.
that is what we're here to experience.
that
right
there.

oxygen in cups

For the most part, being generous with my time and being kind-hearted towards my challenges comes naturally (thank goodness).  But occasionally, I find myself struggling to be generous and my first reaction is often frustration.  Why can't I just be loving?  Why can't I just feel good about giving my time / attention / money / etc. to this?  Why does it feel like a struggle here?

If we are being honest with ourselves, we admit that we cannot give that which we do not have.  If our own cup isn't full, we can't pour into everyone around us.  If our own needs are not being met, we are not going to feel very good spending our time and attention and funds meeting someone else's needs.  The whole "put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others" on a plane scenario (I know, I hate hearing that one, too).  But it's true.  

What I'm getting to here is that you are allowed to fill your own cup.  We are obligated to find our own oxygen before we can help anyone else find theirs.  We need to take a step back and assess our own needs before we can meet everyone else's.  And let me be the first to say, this is really hard.  I know everyone depends on you.  I know your to-do list is a mile and a half long.  I know you don't feel like you have time for this stuff.  I know, because I'm right here with you and I feel the same way. 

Please, take half an hour today and do the things that fill your cup.  If not for your own wellness then do it for the wellness of all those hearts who depend on you.  Whatever brings you joy, do more of that.  And know that we are right here with you, and we're learning right here with you, to put on our own oxygen masks before we assist everyone else.  

Our goal is to always have our cups so full that they consistently spill out into your life when you're here in the studio.  We really do find joy in helping you create, in helping you feel warm and fuzzy and loved and wonderful.  Stop by and create with us and you'll see what I mean.  We just stinkin' love what we do, and we want to share it with you.  And we strive to be a place that brings you joy, that helps you relax and reset and fill your own cup.  So you can keep on being awesome and pouring into your kids, your family, your coworkers, your community.

Happy Sunday, y'all.

a meanness

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

"the soul

always knows what to do to heal itself.
the challenge is to silence the mind."

step one:
be gentle.
soften.
hold yourself like you hold a child.
stop powering through.
rest.
take a break.
ask for help.
admit when it is too much.
stop powering through.
listen.
breathe.
stop powering through.
be human.
make mistakes.
be sweeter to self.
stop powering through.
listen to your body.
listen to your desires.
make it ok to feel the things you feel.
stop powering through.
be gentle.
be sweet.
be sukha.
be rebirth.
be kind.
do all things with love.
only love.

"listen,

you must never express your anger or frustration using your body,
and you must never allow your emotions to keep you from remaining in control of your body.
it is not ok to hit anyone or anything in this studio,
it is never ok to hit anyone at all regardless of where you are.

it is unacceptable to hurt anyone else because of your own emotions.
you must apologize, now."

#shittheartteachersaid
#truth
#kids
we're all still learnin' things, y'all.

when the world comes to gather me in

oh hey, heaven is the place we know

heaven is the arms that hold us

long before we go

(ben howard)

let go

or be dragged.

we choose to move forward.  blue skies ahead, people.

#blueskyawareness

blue sky

i find these little pockets of sadness and fear inside myself.  usually they burst open unexpectedly, and usually at inconvenient times.  i have an intense fear of losing the people (and animals) that i really love, and i borrow sadness when i fear the (inevitable) future when their hearts no longer reside on the earth.  and instead of focusing on my belief that hearts and people and animals do not disappear when they leave the earth, i easily become trapped in the sadness.  and i know that part of this is the kid-gloves artist thing, the bit about the unavoidable fact that i feel things intensely.  i rarely feel a little happy, or a little sad, or a little frustrated, or a smidge disappointed.  instead i feel feelings intensely, with my whole being, and it is hard to stuff them down or let them go.  so i feel them.

and today, i look to the blue sky and consider awareness.  consider that i could perhaps, with great love and great practice, learn not to get stuck in the cloud of feeling and emotion.  perhaps, one day, i can carefully and with very great love gently press through the translucent cloud of feeling to see that there is blue sky beyond.  the clouds are transient, the clouds are encompassing but do not have to be.  i am not clouds, i am blue sky.  i am blue sky that experiences clouds, and the clouds are not good or bad they just are.  some days they are good.  some days i fight through them.  but i am not them, i am the blue sky.  and when i realize continuously that i am bright blue sky, i will more easily accept and let go of the clouds.

obviously,

it was a happy time.

so is now, but different.

love you 

precious

these thighs were made for strength,
for pushing, for pulling, for lifting, for moving.
these hips were made for dancing, for holding,
for having babies if they ever come our way.
this skin was made to remind me
if my inside body is healthy or unbalanced.

these hands were made to make things.
these arms were made to hold people.
this body was made to house me.
it is me, and it is a reflection of me.
and i am thankful for all these things.

today

will be what it is
i will be who i am
and there will be beauty in both.

not even...

"tomorrow

is a new day. we will start fresh. i am confident that it will be a better day"

i'm observing

a pattern.  a string.  whatever, it's important.
Chase,
Phil,
and another.

anger = fear, covered up.
acting out = an unmet need, often entirely unrelated to the situation.
hurting others = being hurt, either currently or an unresolved previously.

maybe not always are these things true, but there is a pattern of cases that support them.

when oceans rise

"take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my savior

I will call upon your name
and keep my eyes above the waves
my soul will rest in your embrace
i am yours and you are mine"

i

have heard this before:

but never really got it.  until yesterday when i taught it, and it turned into:

and then this: 

and then after a sight-seeing of clouds, some constructivist teaching (that I learned from the best that Kara Kelley Hallmark), and some courage it all turned into these:

things are good. really good.

"if you want to change the world,

get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward"

"don't be afraid of the circuses"

"if you want to change the world, don't back down from the sharks"

i'm usually not really big on what it means to be a longhorn, but this commencement speech for UT graduates this year is pretty great

Naval Admiral William H. McRaven

read/watch the full speech here

diving deep

by Kara Kelley Hallmark, who has been freed to dive deep again.

I long for the waters of my life to be calm.  To have a smooth surface, to be deep and comforting and glistening in the sunshine.  But lately, for the past few months, the people I love most in this world have been splashing around.  Not for fun or of their own fault, but they've really been splashing.  The kind of splashing that not only causes ripples but causes little pulses of disturbance into my life pool.  An uneven surface that isn't at all waves and isn't unsafe, 

but it is frustrating because I have this unanswerable and deep desire for calm.  A deep desire that I'm pretty sure can not be met by any actions I take.  Nothing I do, no matter how hard I try and work and kick and tread water, nothing will bring about the calm that my heart desires.  I am both frustrated and humbled that nothing I do will bring about the calm that I desire.  

bringing in the strings, we're all in the same body of water.  Never will the waters of my life be the kind of still I desire because every human on this earth is in a body of water with me, and never will earthly life be still.  there will always be struggle, there will always be splashing, and even if it is from the furthest body of water, and even if it causes a ripple so small that it could only be detected by machines, it disrupts the still I desire. I am humbled because I get to be part of a life force that connects the whole world, I am humbled because I was gifted with eyes and a heart that can detect tiny ripples.  as much as those ripples disrupt me, I have hope that one day the waters of my life will be so big, so vast, so deep that the splashing of another human can be softened when it reaches my little section of water.  maybe my sea will be big enough to absorb some of the splash, maybe it will be calm enough to calm someone else into splashing less.  

and if nothing else, i remember that the waters we all share were provided and are overseen by someone bigger.  someone so still, so vast, so deep, so calm.  unchanging.  unending.  the one who never tires, who is never disrupted by the biggest splashes we make in his sea.  the one who not only can bring the calm and the still, but promises to.  that is the safe haven i cling to.

cobalt blue

the cyanometer: a 225 year old tool for measuring the blueness of the sky

via up like toast

sometimes

you think you're headed down one rabbit hole and then life says, nope, here's an entirely different and much deeper rabbit hole. enjoy!

Painting after Right-Hemisphere Stroke –Case Studies of Professional Artists 

A GRANDFATHER who suffered a life-changing stroke has amazed family and friends with his artistic talent.

Art Appreciation Boosts Stroke Recovery, Study Suggests

and the artists are equally intriguing:

"I'm Helping" by Tesi Sanchez-Halpert

"Leo the Lion"

"SueSally Rides Again" 

Tesi Sanchez-Halpert: a stroke survivor's story. Sanchez-Halpert of Moorpark, CA is a stroke survivor who shares her story to help others…(more here)

Pink Lilles and the Mood IV

18x24, limited edition giclee

Gary E. Bachers

Glorious Orchids #8

18x18, limited edition giclee

Gary E. Bachers: silent conversatios

Gary E. Bachers never planned to become a visual artist.  He was a popular family practice physician in northeast Texas, where he lived with his wife and three children after moving from Winnipeg, Canada, in 1977.  In 1987, at the age of 38, he suffered a debilitating stroke that forced him to retire from medicine.  The stroke robbed him of the ability to speak or produce conventional language (a condition called expressive aphasia), and he also lost the use of the right side of his body. (more here)

and it goes on and on longer than I have right now.  

floored.