a meanness

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

life sounds like

i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive
so-hum
(i am.)

(week 4)

thoughts.

dear trusty 6+ year old lulu top,

i begrudgingly continue this mental conversation with you throughout class today.  we have been through so much together.  you have seen me as a 7-class-a-week-yogi, and yes there were those years i thoroughly enjoyed you as a sleepwear item.  

(no, that's not you, but i needed a picture)

but now, when i am trying my damnedest to stay still in this restorative yoga class, here you are being the biggest distraction imaginable.  yeah, i'm sure my yoga teacher could care less if she can see my boobs, but c'mon lulu top that is your one job.  and so here we are again, the ultimatum.  either you start doing your job or when we get home, that's it i'm retiring you to full time sleep wear top.  no more yoga class for you, i'll banish you i swear.  if you don't cooperate in the next 5 breaths, i'm letting go of you as you are no longer serving me.  *big yoga sigh*

sincerely,

r

p.s. no, this is not like the other 5 times i threatened to retire you.  i don't care how wonderfully purple you are or how soft and snuggly you've become...

blue sky

i find these little pockets of sadness and fear inside myself.  usually they burst open unexpectedly, and usually at inconvenient times.  i have an intense fear of losing the people (and animals) that i really love, and i borrow sadness when i fear the (inevitable) future when their hearts no longer reside on the earth.  and instead of focusing on my belief that hearts and people and animals do not disappear when they leave the earth, i easily become trapped in the sadness.  and i know that part of this is the kid-gloves artist thing, the bit about the unavoidable fact that i feel things intensely.  i rarely feel a little happy, or a little sad, or a little frustrated, or a smidge disappointed.  instead i feel feelings intensely, with my whole being, and it is hard to stuff them down or let them go.  so i feel them.

and today, i look to the blue sky and consider awareness.  consider that i could perhaps, with great love and great practice, learn not to get stuck in the cloud of feeling and emotion.  perhaps, one day, i can carefully and with very great love gently press through the translucent cloud of feeling to see that there is blue sky beyond.  the clouds are transient, the clouds are encompassing but do not have to be.  i am not clouds, i am blue sky.  i am blue sky that experiences clouds, and the clouds are not good or bad they just are.  some days they are good.  some days i fight through them.  but i am not them, i am the blue sky.  and when i realize continuously that i am bright blue sky, i will more easily accept and let go of the clouds.

didn't they say that

only love
will win
in the end

grow baby, grow!

precious

these thighs were made for strength,
for pushing, for pulling, for lifting, for moving.
these hips were made for dancing, for holding,
for having babies if they ever come our way.
this skin was made to remind me
if my inside body is healthy or unbalanced.

these hands were made to make things.
these arms were made to hold people.
this body was made to house me.
it is me, and it is a reflection of me.
and i am thankful for all these things.

on the mat

or off the mat, practice every day.

(mary oliver)

#sukhaplease

#youcandoitputyourbackintoit

to teach

Brendan Wenzel

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
~ Khalil Gibran

not even...

blissful breaths

Chandra Bhedana: pranayama breathwork that stirs the lunar side of the body, allowing for a quieting of the brain and cooling of the body

1. Sit in a comfortable seated position, legs crossed and back straight

2. Position the right hand so that the thumb rests on the right nostril, pointer and middle fingers rest gently on your third eye center, and ring finger rests on the left nostril

3. Close the eyes, and gently block the right nostril and inhale slowly through the left nostril

4. Pause at the top of the breath, and then block the left nostril and exhale slowly through right side

5.  Continue breathing at your own pace, always inhaling through the left side and exhaling through the right.  It might help to keep the pace in your head as follows

inhale left 5-4-3-2-1, (pause), exhale right 5-4-3-2-1