Thursday, June 18, 2015
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
thoughts.
dear trusty 6+ year old lulu top,
i begrudgingly continue this mental conversation with you throughout class today. we have been through so much together. you have seen me as a 7-class-a-week-yogi, and yes there were those years i thoroughly enjoyed you as a sleepwear item.
i begrudgingly continue this mental conversation with you throughout class today. we have been through so much together. you have seen me as a 7-class-a-week-yogi, and yes there were those years i thoroughly enjoyed you as a sleepwear item.
(no, that's not you, but i needed a picture)
but now, when i am trying my damnedest to stay still in this restorative yoga class, here you are being the biggest distraction imaginable. yeah, i'm sure my yoga teacher could care less if she can see my boobs, but c'mon lulu top that is your one job. and so here we are again, the ultimatum. either you start doing your job or when we get home, that's it i'm retiring you to full time sleep wear top. no more yoga class for you, i'll banish you i swear. if you don't cooperate in the next 5 breaths, i'm letting go of you as you are no longer serving me. *big yoga sigh*
sincerely,
r
p.s. no, this is not like the other 5 times i threatened to retire you. i don't care how wonderfully purple you are or how soft and snuggly you've become...
Thursday, June 4, 2015
blue sky
i find these little pockets of sadness and fear inside myself. usually they burst open unexpectedly, and usually at inconvenient times. i have an intense fear of losing the people (and animals) that i really love, and i borrow sadness when i fear the (inevitable) future when their hearts no longer reside on the earth. and instead of focusing on my belief that hearts and people and animals do not disappear when they leave the earth, i easily become trapped in the sadness. and i know that part of this is the kid-gloves artist thing, the bit about the unavoidable fact that i feel things intensely. i rarely feel a little happy, or a little sad, or a little frustrated, or a smidge disappointed. instead i feel feelings intensely, with my whole being, and it is hard to stuff them down or let them go. so i feel them.
and today, i look to the blue sky and consider awareness. consider that i could perhaps, with great love and great practice, learn not to get stuck in the cloud of feeling and emotion. perhaps, one day, i can carefully and with very great love gently press through the translucent cloud of feeling to see that there is blue sky beyond. the clouds are transient, the clouds are encompassing but do not have to be. i am not clouds, i am blue sky. i am blue sky that experiences clouds, and the clouds are not good or bad they just are. some days they are good. some days i fight through them. but i am not them, i am the blue sky. and when i realize continuously that i am bright blue sky, i will more easily accept and let go of the clouds.
and today, i look to the blue sky and consider awareness. consider that i could perhaps, with great love and great practice, learn not to get stuck in the cloud of feeling and emotion. perhaps, one day, i can carefully and with very great love gently press through the translucent cloud of feeling to see that there is blue sky beyond. the clouds are transient, the clouds are encompassing but do not have to be. i am not clouds, i am blue sky. i am blue sky that experiences clouds, and the clouds are not good or bad they just are. some days they are good. some days i fight through them. but i am not them, i am the blue sky. and when i realize continuously that i am bright blue sky, i will more easily accept and let go of the clouds.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Thursday, May 28, 2015
advocacy
dear future students,
it is your responsibility to stand up for your students, their art, their individual creativity, and the value of art itself. at some point, you will have to be the cheerleader. that's just the way it is. that's part of the job. that's part of the joy. that's part of the struggle.
but hey, nobody said you had to be an art teacher when you grow up.
you're the one who signed on for this! (thankfully, YOU! you get to slowly, patiently, with great love expose people to the power of art and creating :)
i was teaching a canvas painting party when a parent whispered to me "you better check in with the girl at the end". in the middle of putting away paint or washing a brush or trying to get paint out of my hair before embarrassing myself, i partially couldn't hear this parent's comment and partially had no idea what was wrong with the girl at the end. so i casually stroll to the end of the table, and not finding any sort of bug, meltdown, or lack of supplies...i continued teaching from this location that was supposedly having an issue.
and then parent #2 (neither of which were the parent of this child!) says "will she be ok? will her painting turn out ok??" at which point i realize that oh, we're referring to these larger than normal lily pads here that this one wonderful and beautiful artist created?!? these perfectly OK, unique, yes maybe a little off on perspective but hey, that shit is hard lily pads?! we're asking if this 8 year old's canvas painting is going to be OK like it's life or death if her painting looks like my stupid example?! and now, parents, your comments literally have every other student at the table looking at this unique painting and back at their own to make sure they haven't gone awry?! and now the girl at the end with the unique and wonderful and individual painting is starting to feel self conscious and like she did something wrong?!?! HOLD THE PHONE, PEOPLE.
and kara kelley hallmark's words just came flying out of my mouth. not loud or angry or upset, just so quickly that i did not even plan or expect this response to come from me. but i started going on about Claude Monet, who inspired these paintings, and how he was part of the Impressionists who were a group of painters who did everything "wrong". they painted outside, they painted light and color, their paintings got rejected from the Salon exposition time and time again, but they believed so much in what they were studying and creating that they made their own art show and their own group of artist friends and did their own fucking thing.
when we read about it in books it sounds so eloquent and proper and right...but c'mon people, going against the grain is NOT eloquent or proper or encouraged or delightful. it's hard work. it sucks. it's hard on the ego. it doesn't make you very many friends, or very many fans, or very much money. BUT, it is these people who propel society forward. it is these crazy ideas that change art. it is these people who are willing to paint their water lilies however they see fit that enhance humanity and make it ok for others to be themselves, to try their ideas, to take a leap of faith, to make and change and see what happens. sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't. but you should never let the fear of failure keep you from trying something new. we're all going to fail, but without the big chance you can't get the big reward.
and you know what parent #1 & parent #2 and every other student at the table did at the end of my shpeal? they shut their mouth and worried about their own painting. because they knew it was true, they knew Monet wasn't making many friends at the end of the table painting his water lilies hundreds of times like a crazy man, and they saw that they weren't making any friends in my book by being critical and less than loving to a fellow artist.
so, my dear future students who will become wonderful art teachers, be prepared to educate everyone about art. not just your students, but their parents, other teachers, administrators, community members...on and on and on. but even beyond being prepared to do this, be excited to do this. parent #1 and parent #2 weren't trying to be hurtful...they believe art has a right and wrong like math. they don't realize that art is wonderful and open ended and expressive and unique and challenging and should be encouraged and supported and encouraged some more. because it's good for us, for all of us, to know that life doesn't have one right answer. there are lots of right answers, you just have to find the one that is right for you.
love always,
rae
it is your responsibility to stand up for your students, their art, their individual creativity, and the value of art itself. at some point, you will have to be the cheerleader. that's just the way it is. that's part of the job. that's part of the joy. that's part of the struggle.
but hey, nobody said you had to be an art teacher when you grow up.
you're the one who signed on for this! (thankfully, YOU! you get to slowly, patiently, with great love expose people to the power of art and creating :)
and then parent #2 (neither of which were the parent of this child!) says "will she be ok? will her painting turn out ok??" at which point i realize that oh, we're referring to these larger than normal lily pads here that this one wonderful and beautiful artist created?!? these perfectly OK, unique, yes maybe a little off on perspective but hey, that shit is hard lily pads?! we're asking if this 8 year old's canvas painting is going to be OK like it's life or death if her painting looks like my stupid example?! and now, parents, your comments literally have every other student at the table looking at this unique painting and back at their own to make sure they haven't gone awry?! and now the girl at the end with the unique and wonderful and individual painting is starting to feel self conscious and like she did something wrong?!?! HOLD THE PHONE, PEOPLE.
and kara kelley hallmark's words just came flying out of my mouth. not loud or angry or upset, just so quickly that i did not even plan or expect this response to come from me. but i started going on about Claude Monet, who inspired these paintings, and how he was part of the Impressionists who were a group of painters who did everything "wrong". they painted outside, they painted light and color, their paintings got rejected from the Salon exposition time and time again, but they believed so much in what they were studying and creating that they made their own art show and their own group of artist friends and did their own fucking thing.
when we read about it in books it sounds so eloquent and proper and right...but c'mon people, going against the grain is NOT eloquent or proper or encouraged or delightful. it's hard work. it sucks. it's hard on the ego. it doesn't make you very many friends, or very many fans, or very much money. BUT, it is these people who propel society forward. it is these crazy ideas that change art. it is these people who are willing to paint their water lilies however they see fit that enhance humanity and make it ok for others to be themselves, to try their ideas, to take a leap of faith, to make and change and see what happens. sometimes it works. sometimes it doesn't. but you should never let the fear of failure keep you from trying something new. we're all going to fail, but without the big chance you can't get the big reward.
and you know what parent #1 & parent #2 and every other student at the table did at the end of my shpeal? they shut their mouth and worried about their own painting. because they knew it was true, they knew Monet wasn't making many friends at the end of the table painting his water lilies hundreds of times like a crazy man, and they saw that they weren't making any friends in my book by being critical and less than loving to a fellow artist.
so, my dear future students who will become wonderful art teachers, be prepared to educate everyone about art. not just your students, but their parents, other teachers, administrators, community members...on and on and on. but even beyond being prepared to do this, be excited to do this. parent #1 and parent #2 weren't trying to be hurtful...they believe art has a right and wrong like math. they don't realize that art is wonderful and open ended and expressive and unique and challenging and should be encouraged and supported and encouraged some more. because it's good for us, for all of us, to know that life doesn't have one right answer. there are lots of right answers, you just have to find the one that is right for you.
love always,
rae
Sunday, May 24, 2015
the studio
May 2015
is a bit of a disaster. new studio (at the new house!) is under construction.
er, one day if it ever stops raining in austin, they can pour a slab. upon which our house (and the new studio!) can be built. eventually.
at least there is still a little sliver of space in the current studio to make things!
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