by Kara Kelley Hallmark, who has been freed to dive deep again.
I long for the waters of my life to be calm. To have a smooth surface, to be deep and comforting and glistening in the sunshine. But lately, for the past few months, the people I love most in this world have been splashing around. Not for fun or of their own fault, but they've really been splashing. The kind of splashing that not only causes ripples but causes little pulses of disturbance into my life pool. An uneven surface that isn't at all waves and isn't unsafe,
but it is frustrating because I have this unanswerable and deep desire for calm. A deep desire that I'm pretty sure can not be met by any actions I take. Nothing I do, no matter how hard I try and work and kick and tread water, nothing will bring about the calm that my heart desires. I am both frustrated and humbled that nothing I do will bring about the calm that I desire.
bringing in the strings, we're all in the same body of water. Never will the waters of my life be the kind of still I desire because every human on this earth is in a body of water with me, and never will earthly life be still. there will always be struggle, there will always be splashing, and even if it is from the furthest body of water, and even if it causes a ripple so small that it could only be detected by machines, it disrupts the still I desire. I am humbled because I get to be part of a life force that connects the whole world, I am humbled because I was gifted with eyes and a heart that can detect tiny ripples. as much as those ripples disrupt me, I have hope that one day the waters of my life will be so big, so vast, so deep that the splashing of another human can be softened when it reaches my little section of water. maybe my sea will be big enough to absorb some of the splash, maybe it will be calm enough to calm someone else into splashing less.
and if nothing else, i remember that the waters we all share were provided and are overseen by someone bigger. someone so still, so vast, so deep, so calm. unchanging. unending. the one who never tires, who is never disrupted by the biggest splashes we make in his sea. the one who not only can bring the calm and the still, but promises to. that is the safe haven i cling to.
